webnography

bend your ear toward the adjectives of your life,the shapes of it (curling furtive sly and shy). do you wish to stop and yearn to die? bedazzle me now this is a burst of stars streaming down my skin fast and hotly and swirling confused and back to sky. i am at a loss.

i think deep down every human being on this lonely planet just wants a warm, wet, weightless atmosphere to return to at the end of the night.

and i will, i know, live not long but just with each breathing.

enfin.

This is a trembling spin of a time, and lightning trickles in when most inopportune. How to describe my total immersion into seclusion? I wish for warm blankets and beaches and your eyes looking into mine. I wish for laughter and chinese checkers and pauses in time. Somewhere along the way I decided I wanted to keep you all, and I wonder if this is selfish or simply human. Somewhere along the way restlessness became intrinsic nature and splashes of thunder became dangerous and rare. One day soon I will see you and pull you into sand and utter, unadulterated love. I am crackling with life more than ever before and more terrified than I can say. I am terrified I will be forgotten while I am wheedling my hours away in this desolate town wishing I could be adventuring or just laying in a bed of flowers with you. Today I ran to the trails behind the college and wandered serenely through the green thinking of what it would be like to fly and battle demons in the sky. Today I drank coffee with a little boy who is no longer little and scrawled poetry all over his scrap paper. Today I felt hopeless and alive. Today I missed you just as much as yesterday. Today I wished fervently for inspiration, and it came to me in the form of a glass of Merlot.

would your wish be to open, when seeping out it merged with everything
else. i call this nonconclusive, i say it’s just conducive
to the study of practicing how just to stay here now,
in the center of a steady pulse, certainly
the best things tether mind to body to
the insanity of the soul’s
hard-pressed bouquet of flowering.
we sat at the buffet and we sat all day,
staring at the fruit juices on plates
collecting- collecting thoughts for another place
(be it forward or backward both are all or more destructive).

i say gather your fortitude for summer,
lay still beneath burnt lilac bushes and crusted beehives,
a humming, a purring, back arched like cat/march hair; dark/fair.
when opening these pages i find the fierce howling desire
to kiss you all and give
my smile’s trembling, my eyes’ wetness
back into the churning
i say i’d rather give it all away
then stand alone and burning.

(and i meant it. and i mean to do this earnestly.
this could be something i could care to care about,
perpetual loving, open-ended caring,
come back here now to the point . of being)

Oh, little one, walk the earth
in search of sun-soaked edges.
With nothing to confess our distances found us
all weeping lilting voices lifting
it out with spoons of righteousness
you must
change your life

and when the sky moans and crackles i exhale
to keep the stars out of my mouth