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to: my best intention
how the colors of a kiss exist in the shadows. the delicacy of meaning placed subtly,deftly here and there. come back to come again, and again- taut and taunted, rich and unhaunted all of you pooled, spent. how i drooled
(with savory lust. and we would wait. and wait. and wait.) and combust.
i meant to say: i will never forget the way you stroked my cheek as i fell soundly and lovingly asleep.
(the sun shines on us all both alone and with each other)
from: my deepest gratitude
here’s to soaring, shirts off sweat flying, and the high hat sizzles as your chest drops out. slam i am one, two, three and four (here we go)-
i pledge of allegiance to times square at dawn. and to all my snuggles, eradicate hate; i give you myself on a sunshiny plate.
Ego dissolve and find self free-falling from consciousness and into direct biofeedback. Open and return refreshed. Stamped into the reality of the present, stripped of the emotional memory that clogs the spaces in between the places where time marks selfhood. Unreal how it casts voice onto rasping skin and burrows the wisdom deeper within. Conceived in the immediate: no- now. NOW. No No No No now. How love was always there; the we is seamless as is. How is it is, how is. When upon the brightest dawn emerged a song of silent nurturing wombs- in syrup find all blooming eyes and wispy locks. Legumes.
something needs to crack. the best intentions leave me tired and yawning. only in the aftermath of a climax is one left sprawled and hungry and drained- drained like old age is life planned out with plastic measuring cups. it must be refused. how to live faster harder and crackling? how to… how to, combust? i want to be something risen from the sea. let’s live like electricity. out from inside escapism and into crazy. driven mad would we be perhaps free?
to be transcendatory.
I am not turned on by masturbation.
My dreams scatter my mind wide open and I am still lying here catching my breath. Sprawled out on the pavement. A man loomed over me, his shadow blocking all vision, and he told me to remove myself at once. “Remove myself at once?!” I slurred in confusion. “Why, I do believe I’m as content as a cat and you’d best scratch beneath my chinny chin chin, dear friend.” He leered and kicked and I pulled myself groggily to my feet, lurched through the masses who rearranged their paths to accomodate my haphazard strides. This is ridiculous.
We are born and we die alone.
I made my way all the way down to Houston and 1st, clung at the railing overlooking the East River. A boy once he had taken me here, held me here. Funny how people who should know more will open themselves entirely to you, lie there naked and expectant while you close them back up calmly as a surgeon. “Now is not the time to be naked,” I would say and cock my head, smoking a dirty cigarette, mouth like dishwater and utterly worn. Those were not the days for sex.
We are born and we die alone.
“Give me a chance,” he pleaded and I could not look away. All my dreams are laced with you and I’m lost somewhere between joy and utter madness.
We are born.
Utter madness. My eyes are starving.
Body be haphazard bones.
We put the rest to rest.
How the rasp of your tongue comes home to here.
How the holy penance I pay is fading every day.
How we are very nearly almost okay.
How the mangled corpse of a dirty university
floods nostalgia through the static of my mind.
Delinquint I am and must thus be found.
So tired and yet so fully inspired come now how
we tore the churches to pieces and skipped all the way home.
(home never existed in the first place)
(i will bring home to here)
.
A town of disrespect
The trains are wrecked
The night is younger then us
Nowhere is anywhere else
You keep to yourself
Body laced into the air and surrounded by warm sky wind. Just beyond the easternmost cloud is the future marked in time and place. Sailboats web the red sea behind my eyelids and there is fortitude to be found in indifference. Do intuit your whole body into it, the recipe for pleasure is contented leisure and the belief in mm mm good will curdle your socks like a cat at your box. Hey cat, shall we scat along the windowsills and upon the orchards? This is all a series of giggles scrawled onto pages and pages. And these are the ages when the hesistant lines between just our mere fleeting eyes contact wounds, the uncertain multitudes must do be aware of this fuzzy despair.
I just meant I mean just.
Ow, my face hurts.
estrange
2. To remove from an accustomed place or set of associations.
changing.
am i forever being swallowed up while in the process ending each monumental chapter of this life so haphazardly, so without grace? i yearn to be more than merely a smudge of mind matter marring this perperually swiveling trace of a space of a place oh you dastardly bastardly gates! You’re blocking my depths. You’re blocking my ambition I’m a key with no ignition and believe we’re not meant to be shorn and shaven and so full of craven guilt guilt guilty of nothing please let’s not indulge anymore. Conversation’s masturbation and i’m bored with it down to the core.
Yes, swallowed up I am by the raw power of all your individual intentions. This is the path to tired and old. Consequently, must I now blind you with my own barely concealed self so riddled with imperfections? This is my seasonal introspection.
By the light of the moon we are singular.
and the way garlic sticks to fingertips. Transfixed by almond eyes I became besotted by emotion. In my dreams I kiss girls and push them up against cement walls as though I were starving. Hunger fits its fist in my belly though I continue to eat. Strange the way objects have begun to take on a peculiar depth, as if always before I had seen everything only in two dimensions. Perhaps the deepest crannies of my brain have finally happened upon true reverence, how one must always dig inward and stop this restless sapping search for truth in things outside the self. How extraordinarily liberating.
Humanity i love you because you
are perpetually putting the secret of
life in your pants and forgetting
it’s there and sitting down
on it
and because you are
forever making poems in the lap
of death Humanity
i hate you
-e.e. cummings
I was awoken by the indiscreet beat of your feet on the street next to my window where the lawn gnomes roam. “ARE YOU TRYING TO STEAL MY GNOMES?!” I questioned with a howl. Hoarse came your voice to my ears have heard the glory of the scritchscratch of your tones, answered by my moans. Speak not in rhyme but solely by design- inch back reveal your chapped lips in the misty midst of this apocalypse and I will hug you all the harder.
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