Comments on: the social value of “defriendship”

By: Valkerie

Valkerie — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 13:56:54 +0000

I love your writing and research. It has been invaluable in my own thesis on Facebook and surveillance.

The whole defriending thing is sooooo interesting.

By: Sahara

Sahara — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 02:44:46 +0000

I’m in my 20s and recently defriended 150 people. But I have defriended people in the past who I do not trust - regardless of whether I still see them.

The defriending of the 150 people was for privacy reasons. I use facebook a lot and there were some people on there who I never saw, had no connection to and in some cases it was a pain in the ass to see certain people’s constant ramblings.

I don’t see it as a popularity contest, it’s just facebook ya know?

By: McGarr

McGarr — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 19:19:39 +0000

I befriended an ex only to defriend her not long afterwards. There are some people I don’t want popping up in my news feed. Funny thing is that ’cause she is friends of some of my old friends she still pops up in my feed. It’s not just your friends you have to worry about but their friends too..

By: Jeff

Jeff — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 08:31:32 +0000

One of the things that became apparent as I did interviews of undergraduate students was that there isn’t a strict set of social norms for Facebook. There seems to be a lot of variance in how seriously people take it, and the quality and quantity of information they acquire from it - social, formal, whatever. Besides wondering if there’s a way to better mitigate norms on social systems like this I also speculate what it’s doing to society in general. Is all this internet stuff and immersed digital culture changing how much we care about one another and making it easier to be less confrontational and honest? People who wear iPods everywhere, kids who hang out on Friday nights chatting on AIM instead of in person, the thrill of asking someone out on a date is burned away when you can just look them up on Facebook.

I wonder what this sort of relationship would have looked like if Facebook weren’t involved. You’d perhaps just lose contact with the person and never see them again?

I think I’d go back to what I mentioned to you before - next time you’re annoyed by someone being disrespectful or annoying or whatever, go do something nice for someone who makes your life wonderful. Don’t tell them why, and don’t expect reciprocation, just know that it’s a much more powerful way of fighting back.